You are not their first, so that is why you got treated differently.

Assalamualaikum and hye.

Dalam dunia ini memang manusia tak pernah puas dengan apa yang dia ada. Dalam perhubungan sekali pun, jikalau tak ada ombak datang membadai, dia sendiri cari pasal mencari ombak nak bagi diri lemas.

Wahh gitu metafora aku.

Setiap orang ada sejarah silam dia. Tak semua orang suka berkongsi perkara yang lepas sbb dah tak penting lagi. Macam perangai aku, memang suka selidik. Lagi bila orang tak suka bercerita, aku sendiri selidik sampai jumpa. Kenapa aku selidik? Nak tahu mcm mana perangai orang tu, kawan kawan dia, scandalzz lampau ke if ada, cara dia komunikasi dgn orang, etc.

Kadang2 suatu perkara yang menyedihkan/menyakitkan/geli/menyampah dalam proses menyelidik ini. Tapi curiosity kau mengatasi semua benda tu. The thing is..

Bila kau dh tahu, and kau compare cara mereka layan kwn2 mereka, scandalz zaman dulu ke apa jauh lebih bagus dari attitude mereka dgn kau, buat kau kadang2 terfikir,

"You are not their first, so that's why you are treated that way". 

Zaman muda, hormon memuncak, excited terlebih, membalas setiap minit, if tak balas, buat karangan berjela tanya if merajuk, marah mohon ampun maaf di setiap akhir conversation.

Tapi maybe sebab pengalaman yang lps bila dah baik mcm tu org still buat tahi dkt kau, agaknya sebab tu skrg attitude tu dah berubah.

Macam aku, tak kisah lah scandal ke, kekasih gelap ke, kawan ke, boyfriend pertama ke dah masuk dua ke, enam belas ke, once you matter for me, i will do my very best to make you happy. Bukanlah bila org sana diam merajuk, kau buat bodoh and esok pagi say hye like nothing happened je kan. Ada orang yang sanggup to be with you accept all ur flaws, so patut kau akan lagi fall for that person even more. However, susah kot nak dizahirkan.

Hahaha kelakar bila tengok the way people treat the person they once loved with the person they are in love now. But because im just too old for this kind of bullshits so like whatever.

I always pray to god, i do my very best to make people around me happy and be considerate and stuff. If mereka tak membalas dengan cara yang sama it's okay. Sebab what goes around comes around. Maybe ada somebody yg akan hadir salurkan kebahagiaan tu dgn cara yg lain.

Bear this in mind: If you dont like people to compare your past and present, then make a change of your present because what matters most is who stays with you now. They have the right to get treated way better than all those people who dont appreciate you. Make em feel they are worth it for you. You cant expect people to be optimistic 24/7 when your actions and your words not sync. Console. That is what we should do to make things better. To heal the broken heart. Cos each one of us have undergone heart break.